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mgs joy

americanaviator


Aviator

It was my destiny to be here; in the box.


adventurous
mgs joy
americanaviator
when i was younger, i used to know some boys that i didn't actually like too much, but for reasons had to sort of stay friends with. i didn't have any reason to hate them, they were just kind of douchey. their uncle had a really lovely house out in the countryside, with land and horses and so on. he was in movies and had a lot of money. and a couple of times, we went to stay there. the first time, it was when i was in my stupid gothy phase, and i went out to a cemetery that was on the land and played my violin out there. it was the first time i'd played outside, definitely the first time i'd played in such still, quiet air. regardless of the ~woo gothy~ thing, it was fun, and it was beautiful. i also never ever ever had time to play for myself, for fun. i was too busy practising for concerts and competitions. it was liberating. i wasn't used to the countryside at all and it was an awesome experience for me. i mentioned it the next day and one of the adults overheard me, causing everyone to flip their shit. i felt and still feel that this was retarded, as nothing happened. 

interestingly, my father praised me for it, and said he thought it was adventurous and fun and he was impressed that i was brave enough to do it, that i probably shouldn't do it again. 

a little while later, when i was growing out of that phase, we went back. at this point i was a little closer to one of the boys, not in a romantic way at all, but just in terms of being able to talk to him. i wanted to go out at night again. i was just learning about that, honestly. about the magic there is at night. it was new and exciting, and impossible to do in the city. but out on that estate, there was so much space, and so much silence. i suppose there was a vague possibility that someone dangerous might have been out there, but there was an equal possibility that someone dangerous might have broken into the house. it was cool and the moon was so bright it cast shadows. i was in love with that place. there was a lake with a boat that i never got to row, and it was so beautiful at night, so mine. there were no distractions, no company. it was just me and my friend and our thoughts and the stars. 

one of the kids had heard me saying that i wanted to go out again, and the little weasel went to check up on me. and then he woke up his parents, and everyone went out and searched in the wrong direction for me, making it seem way more dramatic of a search than it really was. everybody was furious with me for 'ruining' the trip, and they never invited me back after that. 

i remember being so disgusted with everyone's behavior. the way everyone prized theoretical safety and obedience over an experience that moved me and has stuck with me forever, something i could never have done anywhere else, something that made me happy. i wondered if i was being as immature as everyone said i was, but honestly looking back, i've never once been sorry for it. i still hate that cowardice, that refusal to experience things because it's out of the most narrow realm of socially acceptable behaviors, because there is a miniscule safety risk, because someone told you not to. that whole mentality honestly upsets me. i want to be whimsical, i want to do what i please on my own time. everything is dangerous. you could be mugged in broad daylight. you could be killed in your bed. you're absolutely guaranteed to die someday. i want to live to the fullest before i do, in every tiny way, all of the time. 

(no subject)
resi birkin temper
americanaviator
jesus christ i am so jittery 
i don't even know what's wrong with me i mean i'm getting everything done i just feel so unfocused and dazed.... my instinct is to get through it with coffee but i'm gonna try and do it with tea and water instead. days like this are how i ended up with the headaches and stuff in the first place. 

on the bright side, weights and stuff are being Set In Action and hopefully within a week me and noa will be getting mad fit! i am just hella excite.

imagination is for turbo-nerds who can't handle how kick-butt reality is!
mustang
americanaviator
i joined kickboxing last week, but literally the day after my first class i hurt my foot (not a bad injury, just tore up the back of my heel a little) and couldn't go in for a week. well, yesterday i went back and it absolutely kicked my ass. i was so exhausted by the end of it that someone i'd never met before was concerned about the possibility of me dropping out; which is NOT going to happen, it's one of the coolest things i've ever done. coach chris (referred to in class as sir, and at home as captain) is a major badass. the temperature in the training room has got to be at least 80 degrees, and after about 15 minutes of brutal cardio (basically, doing hops and shit along this kind of rope-ladder-looking thing he put on the ground, and if anyone fucked up such that the rope was moved, the whole team had to do 15 squat-ups), i realized that i was having an asthma attack and suffocating, and spent probably another 15 just sitting in the benches with my inhaler and my waterbottle, trying to breathe and trying not to throw up.

once the cardio stopped and the kickboxing gear came out, i got back in, but by this point i was shaking all over, swaying on my feet and profoundly nauseous. captain had us doing drills of 1 minute 1/10 and 2/9s (basically punch/kick combos on either the left or the right side), 1 minute 'flying knees' which was a crazy difficulty curve from the previous minute - basically, you plank, skip to the side, and jump up to knee the pads, which is some ninja shit i would barely have been able to do if i hadn't been dying - and then 1 minute of skips, locking your gloves behind your partner's neck and just kneeing the crap out of him. i would not have been able to do it if my partner hadn't been such a massive sweetie. he was literally pep-talking me through the last half, reassuring me and encouraging me the whole time, which given that i wasn't actually sure i could get through it without either passing out or throwing up on this nice kid, was something i really needed. i used to be a runner, which was tough but it was always aerobic and if i was having a bad day for my lungs i would just slow down. i've never pushed myself past my limits like i did yesterday.

i disappeared off to the bathroom for the first round of his turn, and i felt bad for leaving my partner but i would have felt worse if i'd lost my lunch, and i got back for the last two rounds. holding the pads was waaay easier, and i recovered myself a little bit then. after that it was just laps and calisthenics, and all things considered that wasn't as hard as the kickboxing was. even so, it took me about a mile of walking home before i felt even remotely normal again. 

my father is usually a huge disappointment to me in every way, but recently he's really come through. i know WHY he did it, it's because he lost some weight and is in a good mood, and when he's in a good mood he's golden. he felt bad about my inheritance still not fucking coming through, and he sent me 500 GBP - which is about $800 - just because. this is the same guy who kicked me out of the house a year and a half ago. whatever, it doesn't cost me anything to accept it and i really need it, and it IS nice of him. i woke up having a nightmare that he called me to say that the bank needed more details from me, and then was incredibly rude about my brother, so i had to hang up on him - and realized i had probably lost the money. i can't describe my relief when i woke up and realized i hadn't actually fought with him! i went downstairs to check my bank and lo and behold, the money was in my account! he came through for me! 

so now noa and i can order the weights and bench he wants tomorrow! just a few days' shipping, and then... we'll be able to lift heavy! i'm SO excited. upper body strength, here i come! 

i woke up in the am, my kitten is sleeping on me and purring, i have money and a cup of hot tea, and my body is still recovering from the killer workout i did yesterday. life is so good right now. 

(no subject)
champloo mugen smirk
americanaviator
getting steadily more productive. even my sleep is fixing itself. i woke up at 8am today and got out of bed at 8:45. 

time to redo my profile and icons, im'a think. 

do i get a plastic waterbottle with blossom or do i get a stainless steel orioles one some questions may never be answered

ETA wow okay what

apparently someone at my husband's work made ~comments~ about him and i pretty much want to go to the mall and murder them with my hands 
where the fuck do these arrogant bitches get off behaving this way i just can't fathom it 
you know what's easier? shutting the FUCK up and taking care of your own shortcomings. i'm not religious, but "let he who is without sin cast the first stone" might be my favorite piece of life advice ever when it comes to talking shit about other people. 
i mean it though i will kill a bitch. ugh ugh ugh i just want him out

sigh. also the weather has finally made me admit that shorts and a t-shirt just aren't cutting it anymore. it really is fall now. so i changed to a nice knee-length skirt with two layers of lining and a sweater top with elbow-length sleeves
alas these shirts have not been taken care of properly and the zipper at the back is all fucked up ._.
why don't i own an ironing board? 

(no subject)
peppermint latte
americanaviator
i'm in bed with music, my laptop and a cup of tea, writing fanfiction with my kitten sleeping on my feet. i'm warm and it's sunny and autumn outside. 

perfect can happen. 

MOAR MEMES
mgs joy
americanaviator
1. Your name 
sofia brenda-rosetta hawkins nee cresta.
2. All the places you’ve lived
london, oxford, chicago o'hare airport, seattle, everett.
3. Your first best friend
i guess my first best friends were lulie and liberty. but lulie and i grew apart when we were older and there was a long period of time where me and liberty didn't talk. liberty is still really close to me though. 
4. Your childhood fears
SPIDERS. FUCKING SPIDERS. WHAT IS THIS 'CHILDHOOD'. SPIDERS AHHH. 
5. What you were like in high school:
first year: nerdy, obnoxious, terrible fashion sense. second year: angry, aggressive, bitchin' fashion sense, awesome hair, horrible eating disorder. 
6. Your favourite and least favourite subjects at school
assuming this means high school, not attending class and attending class, respectively. (i would have loved english and japanese, but english was ruined by having horrible professors so i barely ever attended, and japanese was ruined by being unable to focus on it at all because of taking six other fucking college level classes. for reference, though, i got an A+ and an A in those exams.)
7. Your first boyfriend or girlfriend
this english dude called tom. unhealthy relationship based mostly on low self-esteem and the misguided impression that i was straight, but nonetheless he was pretty cool and we had fun. 
8. Your oldest hobby
drawing. jeez. 
9. Your sexuality
i don't KNOW. it's too complex and i don't give a shit about labeling it precisely. i just know i'm not straight. 
10. What you look for in a partner
loyalty, honesty, horrible kinks, love of food, sense of adventure.
11. Your kids, or your feelings about having kids
my brother has already forbidden me from having kids because i am 'too small'. i don't actually dislike kids at all, but i'd be a terrible mother. i hated being so dependent as a kid, and i hate the idea of someone depending on me that way.
12. Your pets, past and present
fiver, my first kitten, calico, rescue, my dad wanted him to be an outdoors cat, we lived in  a big city so he died after a year. sawyer, my ball python, my 20th birthday present, fat little snake, such a cutie. jack, my ragdoll kitten, my 21st birthday present. named after big boss, gray and white, blue eyes, so fat, loves toes, loves the puppy, best kitten EVER. 
13. Foods you love and foods you hate
i love thai food. i love that shit more than anyone should. i also love sushi, pho, katsu curry, and just about all italian food. that's the stuff i REALLY love. i'll eat and enjoy virtually anything, with a few exceptions: i'm not a fan of avocado but i'll eat it, i have yet to find a way to prepare eggplant that i like although i'm sure it's possible, and all that shit like natto and durian can go die in a fire, it's NOT food, it's rotten soybeans and fruit that smells like DEAD PEOPLE. fuck off. 
14. What your life was like ten years ago
when i was 11... music, dead kitten. honestly, i don't remember that much about my childhood. i think i was better at math then that i am now. 
15. How much alcohol you drink
none. well, i like a little red wine with meals, i love sake and i don't dislike brandy, but we're poor so we don't generally buy alcohol anyway. i never get drunk.  
16. Your worst illness
i don't really get physically sick... i've had a couple of bad fevers but i can't really remember a time when i got badly sick. i'm asthmatic though, and that sucks. i guess the mental issues i had from being raised by an idiot were the worst. anxiety/panic disorder and an eating disorder. but whatever, they're mostly under control now. 
17. What you do at work
cook and clean, bitches. 
18. A question or comment people should never make to you
"space exploration is a huge waste of time" 
19. The style of clothing you feel most comfortable in
that's kind of a hard one because my style changes with my mood. sometimes i want dresses and jewelery and bare feet. sometimes i want lots of bare skin, and utilitarian - think denim, olive drab, black. sometimes i want to dress like a man and girl clothes feel stupid. sometimes i want a totally different style that i don't even own, and that's when i go clothes shopping and it's why i have so many goddamn clothes with no plans to stop. 
20. Whether you’re an extrovert or an introvert
i honestly don't know. the terms annoy the shit out of me because of all that "how to respect your introvert" crap going around the internet. i guess i don't like to classify myself to that extent. sometimes i want to be around people and sometimes i want to be alone. why the fuck do i need to label that? 
21. Who you have a crush on
young robert de niro. ooohhhh. 
22. A friendship you lost
i guess my relationship with my cousin. we used to be really, really, REALLY close (to the point of her telling me Family secrets that i was not supposed to know) and we trusted each other with everything. since i moved and came out to her... she hasn't been rude, she hasn't rejected me (although she's really fucking ignorant about queer stuff), but i just can't talk to her any more. i guess that's the only friendship i really feel like -i- lost, as opposed to people i was friends with that turned out to be fucking psychos (not all from the internet either!). 
23. Three achievements you’re proud of
i moved to america; i got my disorders under control; i bought a house. 
24. Your political views
no idea. it's all become such bullshit i don't even know where to begin any more. i support israel. i supported the war. small government is good. low taxes are good. i like charity and family way better than i like welfare. i think anyone should get married to anyone. i think anyone should have the right to get abortions. i like the whole separation of church and state schtick. i have no idea what this makes me and i don't care any more - i don't know why marriage and abortions are even a political THING now. they have jack shit nothing to do with politics, that's for sure. 
i have a feeling that what i am is a classical liberal, but whatever. i have opinions on some things. like them or don't, i don't care and i don't feel the need to belong to a group. 
25. Your religious beliefs
i don't believe in a higher power. i believe in me and i believe in people, and i don't see the need to subjugate ourselves to anything. so those are my religious beliefs. i guess there's room for debate about whether or not i'm spiritual - i don't believe in woo stuff, but i do believe in objective morality. 
26. Your perfect night out
that. THAT. depends on my mood. i'd either like to dress up to the nines and go out to the ballet/opera/concert hall and a ritzy-ass restaurant followed by coffee, or i'd like to go out for a long walk at night, to somewhere high up and secluded with a great view, drink coffee and just stay close to one another. 
27. Whether you like to plan ahead or be spontaneous
spontaneity. i usually like to have -a- plan in mind, but that plan changes very easily depending on what comes up, and i love to take chances and opportunities. 
28. What you look for in a friend
pretty much exactly what i look for in a partner. i don't see why there should be a huge difference. 
29. Whether you’re a night owl or a morning lark
fucking night fucking owl. i'd be nocturnal if i could. i wish i were a morning person though, i hate feeling like i lose time. but i just suck at going to sleep and waking up. 
30. How you would like people to remember you
...like, in general, or after i die? i guess... pilot, enthusiastic, adventurous and giving no fucks. which isn't quite what i'm like now, i know, but i don't plan to die for a long while. 
although strictly speaking, i guess it's possible for me to die anytime. i probably shouldn't be putting things off like that... 
Tags:

MEMES i love memes
mgs joy
americanaviator
Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People.
1. It really upsets me that you hate physical stuff so much. 
2. I really love what we used to be like together, but I never want to talk to you again.
3. You should ask your mom about it, she was great last night. 
4. Please teach me how to be you. 
5. You have to stop being so selfish. 
6. You have to stop being so accepting.  
7. You are an awful, self-obsessed bitch. 
8. I love you so much. 
9. PLEASE put on some FUCKING deodorant. 
10. Hey, you look perfect today. 
Nine things about myself.
1. I'm extremely foul-mouthed.   
2. I'm extremely anxious.  
3. I love my brother to death. I'd do just about anything for him. 
4. When the atmosphere feels tense, my body locks up. My breathing gets shallow and I feel dizzy. Anxiety is stupid.
5. I hate that I get cold so easily, because if I wasn't so goddamn cold all the time I'd love winter. 
6. I oscillate wildly between being an accepting, zen, earth-mother type and being a shit-talking, fight-picking, boss as fuck asshole. I need to find some kind of medium between these two aspects of myself, which is hard when they're completely contradictory. 
7. I believe I'm supposed to fly. Not entirely sure why or what that means, but I believe it anyway.
8. With the exception of my brother, all of my heroes are fictional, but I'm pretty sure that's the entire fucking point of stories. 
9. I'm still sad about the fucking companion cube.
Eight ways to win my heart.
1. Love the food I cook.  
2. Don't hold what I say when I'm freaking out against me.  
3. Like my horrible pairings and kinks. 
4. Indulge my love of scening.  
5. Work with my impulsiveness, not against it. 
6. Relax when you're around me.
7. Stick up for me.  
8. Just be happy to see me. 
Seven things that cross my mind a lot.
1. Soon I'll get to learn to fly. 
2. Am I getting worse again?
3. What the fuck do I do about my hair
4. Is everyone happy?
5. I have got to learn to dance. 
6. I have got to learn to fight.
7. I love dessert.  
Six things I do before I fall asleep:
1. Will myself to get up and make the conscious decision to go to bed instead of just letting myself slip quietly into unconsciousness on the couch
2. Look for my kitten.
3. If he's available, squish his tiny face.
4. Freak out about a million things in the dark with nothing to distract me.
5. Put my freezing feet all over Noa 
6. Distract myself from freaking out by imagining Noa and I as our current favorite pairing. It averts panic every single time. Works like a charm and makes me feel fuzzy and calm as I go to sleep.
Five people who mean a lot:
1. Matt
2. Virgil
3. Noa
4. Sierra
5. David
(6. Damon come on list I only have one other family member)
Four things you're wearing right now.
1. Black strap top that says SUPPORT OUR TROOPS/EXCEPT RON, THAT GUY'S A DICK
2. Blue sweats
3. No socks
4. Shit-eating grin as i steal all the internets
Three songs that you listen to often.
1. Young Blood by Naked and Famous
2. Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls
3. Numb/Encore by Linkin Park/Jay-Z
Two things you want to do before you die.
1. Learn Italian and Japanese fluently
2. Move to the East Coast
One confession.
1. I ship some really horrible awful things that if I let certain members of my social circle know, I would basically be creating a situation where the only way out would be an honorable suicide
Tags:

end of summer
peppermint latte
americanaviator
even though september 1 isn't really the end of summer, it kind of is for me. due to a misconception i only learned last year that summer wasn't considered to be june, july and august, and actually had specific starting and ending dates... sigh. however, it's definitely been getting colder the last few days. so i stick by my method. i like it better anyway. 

strangely, i find myself not minding. even though i get cold easily and always used to hate the colder seasons, this last year has actually left me appreciating every season for what it has to offer. sometimes i catch myself thinking 'i can't wait for fall' and thinking about all the special feelings and changes that only ever happen in fall, and i like myself more for it. 

i stayed up all night again to watch the dawn. i love those moments when everything becomes completely dark for twenty minutes, and then gradually the sky starts to turn blue. i can feel so much promise and change, and it makes me feel at peace. i often think about how nice it would be to be woken up an hour before dawn, in a warm house while it's cold outside, to take a hot shower and be bundled into some warm clothes and given a nice hot cocoa or, even better, a peppermint mocha, and to take a walk outside and watch the sun come up with someone i care about. while feeling at peace as a wonderful thing, sharing that peace and promise is even better. 

feeling inspired and soft and lovely and ready for winter. even though i barely got my closet sorted with my summer clothes... siigh

(no subject)
mgs joy
americanaviator
okay, tonight i'm REALLY going to stay up through the day without sleeping to the middle of the afternoon again. i can do this thing. i'll drink lots and lots of tea and go outside and stay active and eat plenty of carbs. 

i think one of the reasons i'm so given to dreams is the same reason i'm often resentful that i was born so late. i often find myself 'between generations', although not always - my family, of course, are around my age although i am the youngest, and my brother's only one year older than i am - like with my dad's friends whose children were in college when i was still in single digits, or noa's siblings, whose parents are younger than mine, but around whom i still have to actively remind myself that i'm an adult just like they are, and whose kids are still too young for me to actually interact with (although there's sometimes an overlap of interests which makes it even more confusing). i'm finding myself more and more often to be the 'adult' in fandoms, when i always used to be the kid. it feels ridiculous to say that you're between generations when people are born every day of every year, but it's a situation i keep running up against. 

i also feel like i missed out on a lot of things, and if i'd been born ten years earlier which would have been entirely possible given that my mama was in her late thirties and my father was 45, i would have gotten to be there for the good times. my father talked a lot about when my mama opened her restaurant in the early 80s, and how people were waiting in line around the block for hours, but i only have the one really hazy memory of even being there with her. he also talked about having people over for dinner and him and my mama cooking all the time, or going out to dinner with their friends. i barely remember a few of the dinner parties he threw, which were mostly stressful and involved clearing all of the papers and mess out of the living room and into another room (his or mine) and keeping the door closed until everyone left. the atmosphere i was raised in was so cold and lonely compared to the things my father told me about that he'd done in just the decade before. 

there was also yasuo ichinose, who was a japanese violinist who i met only a few times. he coached the chamber orchestra at the music camp i used to go to, and once i went to his house to play chamber music. my dad was late to pick me up, so yasuo gave me orange juice and talked to me about music in his kitchen until he showed up. he wanted to play a lot more chamber music with me, and was very encouraging and had a lot of plans for the future. i adored him. he was so easygoing, so kind, and really passionate about music without being obnoxiously competitive which was the thing i craved back then and could hardly find anywhere else. not long after, when i was fifteen, my violin teacher took me aside after our lesson and told me he'd died of a heart attack the night before. i skipped my next class because i physically could not stop crying. it seems silly to say about someone who i only met a few times, and never really did anything with beyond that one time at his house, but i never really got over losing him. i still miss him and the things we could have done together so much. he wasn't like anyone else i ever met in music before or since, and i still often feel like if he'd stayed alive - or if i'd known him for longer before he'd died - i might have stuck with music and taken it somewhere beyond a hobby. but everyone else pretty much shattered my faith in being able to be a professional, or at least regular, musician without it being mean, competitive and difficult. i didn't go to his funeral because i didn't know him well enough and i would have been out of place, there was nobody to invite me and i was too shy to invite myself, but i still miss him so much. 

i guess that's really why i'm so grateful to the people i do have. specifically david and riley. even though i was pushed away from music by the horrible atmosphere, david opened up physics and math for me which was something i didn't have from anyone else. i don't know what i would have done if i hadn't met him. finally there was someone who liked me, took an interest in me, cared about how i was and how i was feeling, and actually stuck around. didn't die. taught me things i loved without being paid to do it. i always used to be so scared when i stayed at his house, with all my usual anxieties related not to not being a problem for people, to the point where i was too afraid to ask for food even when i was hungry, and it took me years to get over that. i remember when i rode the bus up to oxford to see a movie with my friends and i was really really sick, vomiting every half hour, and even though i was done with the vomiting part by the time i got to david's house i felt wrung out and terrible, and he immediately squeezed oranges for me so i could have hot water and orange juice to make me feel better. i can't think of one time that he didn't cheer me up even when i started out sobbing and crying, make me laugh, reassure me, and give me strength when i needed it. he taught me to be generous, which is definitely something i didn't learn from my conniving, machiavellian father, or any of his equally conniving friends. he's one of those people that i know i wouldn't be half as good a person now if i hadn't had that relationship with them. 

which is why he's one of the two people i respect the most, along with my brother. if david taught me to be generous, riley taught me to be tough, and to stand up for myself - again, not something i ever could have learned from my father. it feels almost strange to think about it so much, but now that i know i'm going to become a pilot, i'm thinking all the time about how amazing it will be when he gets his military wings and i get my civilian ones. somehow for us to have that difference and that sameness too is just so right, so appropriate for the people we are and the way we are around each other. 

these people are part of my family too, and i'd do anything for them, anything in the world. it's a shame that they're both so far away now - i really, really miss being able to just walk across town and be at david's house. sometimes when the light is just right i wake up here and it feels like i'm in oxford again and maybe i'll go see david today, and then i remember i can't, and even though i'm not sad to be where i am it does make me miss him a lot. and even though i've never been to riley's house sometimes i really, really miss hanging out with him, talking about stuff with him, the way i feel completely invincible when i'm with him - i do miss that. i love it when he and mac are with us, and i can't wait until i can leave the state - and until i can fly - so i can go visit them.

i'm so grateful that there were people in my childhood who i loved and who loved me like family, who didn't go and die on me, and instead made me a better person and are still family today. that's more than can be said for 90% of all the people who should have been there for me, and should have taught me how to live well. honestly, when i think about who really raised me, i'd have to say it was david and riley. my father gave me food and clothes and a roof over my head and an education, that's true, but i didn't mature with him. i matured with them. so who did i grow up with? who raised me? well, it sure as shit wasn't my father, or anyone related to me by blood. they just let me down. i count myself goddamn lucky that not everyone did. 



motherfucker i'm the straightest shota
mgs joy
americanaviator
so after my father hit on the brilliant plan of telling my uncle to hand my inheritance papers off to his accountant to put in order - a plan that took the combined minds of four grown adults three months to put together, i'll add - it seems like i'm finally getting my inheritance. which means, along with buying a new car and finishing our work on the house, that i'll be able to go to fucking college at last.

i've been tearing through class schedules and such, and i'm beyond thrilled to see that they have an aviation maintenance class. they actually have a whole degree in aviation maintenance which partners with the airport i'm going to get licensed at, paine field, but i won't be pursuing that degree. i will, however, be taking aviation maintenance 101 - formally known as applied science for the aviation technician - which covers things like the theory of flight and materials and processes. so cool. i'm so jazzed for it. i won't be able to take it right away, since i need to pass math 75 (which should be a cinch since it's arithmetic, algebra, geometry and applied trigonometry) first. so i guess my first quarter (whether that's fall, winter or spring) will be math, either italian or japanese, and some other class - maybe a physed class, or english to get it out of the way/for an esteem boost. or maybe i should save that for when i'm taking aviation maintenance and will have to roll around with physics. 

i'm also super excited about taking italian with noa. i've never learned a language with my family before, and i know he's really enthusiastic to do it. i'll get to speak it at home~ augh so excite. 

i've been so happy lately. i have my beautiful house and my beautiful family and my awesome brother and i have things that matter to me and my education's all planned out. i have a perfect kitten and a perfect snake and our dog smells nice. i take pleasure in the little things every day, i appreciate good food and i have the best friends anyone could ask for and there are trains and flying and concerts in my future. even the things that have been upsetting me aren't getting me down, they're just motivation for me to think more laterally and come up with more solutions. 

yep, i'd say i'm pretty delighted with what my life has become.